Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it`s Wednesday.
Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
Judge me if you will, just keep the verdict to yourself.
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
Three weeks without a signal typo!
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
Nobody pissed me off today... I got to get out more.
The β€œSlow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.