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It`s nice to know I`m wanted....even if it`s only by the Police!
The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, `Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car`
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
These police take Hide and Seek really seriously.
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.