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I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
Do you think in the spirit world they have TV shows about trying to make contact with the living?
I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
You can always make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, you know you have small boobs
If you don’t count any of my failures, I’m quite successful.
Fun fact: Deciding where to eat is the leading cause of divorce
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."