Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
I`m as nutty as a squirell fart
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
My Christmas present to all of you? I took a naked selfie and deleted it.
I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.
I noticed you’re not yourself today. I really like it.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)
My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.