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The only Spanish phrase you need to learn is, "I know you guys are talkin sh*t about me."
“Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.
Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
Just because I`m awake doesn`t mean I`m ready to do things
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
WHAT DO WE WANT!!! A cure for hangovers WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!! Please stop yelling
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
I saw a book titled Learning To Read For Dummies. At first I thought that sounded insulting, but then I realized anybody who would be insulted by that title wouldn`t even know what it says.
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
Any machine is a smoke machine if you just use it wrong enough!
What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.