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You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
The hardest thing about returning to work after a long weekend is remembering to fart quietly.
Being a vegetarian is hard at first but after a month or so you get used to telling everyone you`re a vegetarian.
Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it`s like...I don`t care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
Now working on my 2nd million. I gave up on the first.
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
If your dog is fat it means that you don`t get enough exercise.
I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.
I’ve spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn’t rhyme with good.