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A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter`s school concert.
Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
Apparently, I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
It turns out if you cry at the DMV they`ll let you take a second photo
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.
Campers: Nature`s way of feeding mosquitoes.
Nothing says you mean business more than putting on a bib before you eat a girl out
I`m pretty sober, but I`m prettier drunk.