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To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
All the guys in working out photos look like they`re straining or in pain, but there`s lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy. Just saying.
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
sometimes... late at night... i rearrange traffic signs. people need to be challenged.
Pro tip: Do not make snow angels in a dog park.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there`s only 36 shades of grey
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy