Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People who text back... "kk" ... Are so annoying! ....and almost racist
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
On your birthday I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!