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Mazda’s marketing slogan is “We Build Mazdas.” They decided on it after rejecting others like: “Mazdas Are Cars” and “Buy Mazdas With Money”
I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
I saved someone`s life today. Well, I resisted the urge to strangle the life out of some idiot. That`s the same thing, right?
If they just built prisons out of the sh!t they package electronics in, no one could ever escape.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There´s apparently more traffic going to hell!!
Rescue helicopters should have white lights at the end of their blade so when they spin it looks a halo.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
I hate when I get to the office and there isn’t a smoking crater where the building is.
Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.