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Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
When I go through an automated car wash I close my eyes, because it`s easier to pretend I`m in a car that way.
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
No. My hair magically got shorter.
Women, we don`t say this enough, but thank you...Thank you for not killing us in our sleep. Sincerely, Men.
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling.. as I butter a doughnut