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common sense is like deodrant. the people who need it thr most never use it.
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
I`ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.
this website used to be full of funny statuses. Then the 8-year olds came in.
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
How crazy is it that we used to say "three and a half inch floppy" with a straight face
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
"There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." Things I say to my kids when we`re in public.
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.