Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
I lent my girlfriend ten grand to get plastic surgery, and now she left me and I don’t know what she looks like.
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there`s nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
When I`m bored, I send a random text to a random number saying "I hid the body... now what?"
Wanna try something funny? Go to a bank and yell "NOBODY MOVE..(Scary pause)..I lost a contact lens."
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.
I have a dream that one day I won`t have to work on MLK Day.
This Facebook is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account.
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds