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I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
Spoiler alert: I unplugged your fridge.
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
1st thing I do after great sex! Turn the alarm clock off.........
The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned
Iām trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.