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You know you`re getting older when your friends start using the term "Pregnant" instead of "Knocked Up"
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles ... Do your damn job.
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.