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You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
I’m crazy but not “LeBron is better than Jordan” crazy.
It`s so cute how all the free sandwiches in the fridge at work have little names.
No, I didn`t say I was a taxidermist. I said, I can stuff your beaver.
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
Never trust a married guys opinion of who`s hot. It`s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
Being human is expensive and exhausting.
I feel that being a smarta$$ is my duty. The pay sucks, but the work is very rewarding.
I liked Hoarders much better when it was called Sanford & Son.
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.