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Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
My spouse thinks I`m crazy. But I`m not the one who married me.
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
My face hurts from pretending to like you.
My wife sure is picky for someone who married me.
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
I hate it when I’m singing along to a song, and the artist gets it wrong.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
I finally did it. I gave my cat a bath today. It really wasn`t that bad. She enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Other than the fur sticking to the roof of my mouth, it went well.
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister