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I made Creme Brulee today. More food should require the use of a blow torch.
With the right person, you can talk about absolutely nothing for hours & feel like you spoke about everything.
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
I`m leaving my body to science fiction
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”
Not everyone understands my laundry method. It`s simple. If it`s clean, it`s on the floor. If it`s dirty, it`s on the floor over there.