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therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
only 9530 days until retirement.
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
You know someone has a drinking problem when they go to the bar at 5pm, you know you have a drinking problem when you`re already there.
Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were
If you don’t like my sense of humor please tell me… so I can laugh at you!
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
Smelling another person should be a choice.