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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
People with multiple personalities should donate one of them to people who don’t have one.
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn.
never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers make any f*cking sense.
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
Not to brag, but my bathroom floor is so clean I can sleep on it. Apparently.
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.