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I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
Why do they ask you "Please press 1 for English, then put you with someone who`s accent is so thick you can`t understand them?
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
You know what would make this Vodka & cranberry better? The Bahamas.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol at my house may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
I wonder if I could get a job as a babysitter if I referenced my Facebook group admin experience.
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes