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I`ve been having really bad headaches lately. The doctor said they were all in my head.
If you ever hear me say that I missed you it`s only because I have bad aim.
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
I`d like to have a kid but I`m not sure I`m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
It`s like the people in this restroom don`t even want my help unbuttoning their pants. STOP RUNNING AWAY I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU
Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "
Being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible
Can I get likes for no reason?
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.