Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why do people say ”I saw it with my own eyes.” Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
Old meaning of sorry. "I won`t do it again." New meaning of sorry. "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
People who describe things as "better than sex" are obviously having the wrong kind of sex.
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
I’ve got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date!
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans