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It`s not stretching if it doesn`t involve crazy dinosaur noises.
The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
The amount of times I`ve had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.
I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far.
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
Own the day
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. Twice. From Hulk. On adrenaline rush.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.