Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
I would like to discuss tennis but I wouldn`t want to cause a racket
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.
Installing home security cameras seemed like a great idea but explaining my dance offs with the dog was something I should`ve considered.
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"