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Cannibals don`t drink coffee ... They have a cup of Joe instead.
Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
I love it when I Google something I should know the answer to and find out 308 people are just as dumb as I am.
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Walmart
If I had a nickel for everytime I said, "If I had a nickel", I`d be rich.
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
I don’t have a problem with friends who ask to borrow money. I love a good laugh as much as the next guy.
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
Every day is just a new opportunity to eat pizza.
Whenever somebody is murdered, the 1st person the police investigae is the spouse. That should tell you all you need to know about marriage.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......