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I`m at the "what can I make with green beans and cake mix" stage of needing groceries
At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he`s going to the clinic for a `work related` injury.
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
The best black Friday deal ... sleep - $0.
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
I hope when I die Charlie Sheen`s life flashes before my eyes.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women