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Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
And we all have that one friend who has more blonde moments than an actual blonde.
I don`t have a smartphone I have a phone that shows potential but doesn`t apply itself
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...
I mean, I don`t even call it a hangover anymore. It`s just morning.
I’m a fan of saying YOU’RE WELCOME really loudly when people don’t thank you.
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.