Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
"5 React 2 Gum-- Experiences may vary. Stimulate your senses!"-- Same effect as LSD, but chewier.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
If you don`t boo at people after bad sex, how do you expect to motivate them to get better?
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
Just a friendly reminder, there are a minimum of three spiders in your room at all times. Goodnight...
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
PRO TIP: If you walk around the mall hitting kids in the face with the shopping bags, your wife won`t make you carry them.
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!
Getting a text from someone when I`m trying to Facebook is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web.