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thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when Iām sober.
I am a completely different person when I`m not under female supervision.
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, Iām coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
A bachelor party seems more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.
Do the people inside mascot costumes also smile when they have their photos taken?
People who over-exaggerate make me so mad that I just want to light everyone on fire.