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Drunk me loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
Just because it`s a bad idea, doesn`t mean it`s not going to be a good time.
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
i feel naked without my mobile !
I don`t have a drinking problem, I just celebrate everything! Like the fact that shirts have armholes, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.