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President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to "learn what it means to work." May I suggest the same for members of Congress?
Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!
I`m happy that my grandma thinks that a iPad is for wet and leaking eyes
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
If you see someone crying, ask them if it is because of their haircut.
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking