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According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with `Go away.`
An awkward morning beats a boring night.
Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
My friend sent his wedding invitation from Facebook Event. I sent him a gift from Farmville.
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
My New Years resolution is always don’t die. So far so good.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.