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No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
That Awkward Moment when you Greet you Brother on some random website. Brett to Daniel. sup Lerch!
Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
Going to Walmart with my mom and kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working!
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
Nothing`s more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in CVS was staring at me.