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Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.
I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, "At least they picked me"
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
I would watch NASCAR if it was more like Mario Kart.
Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I`m part of the other 5%.
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
Traffic would be awesome if we all drove hamster balls.
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
Go ahead, post sober. Ruin everything.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
I just got a piece of mail that says "open immediately" but I`m gonna wait a few minutes.
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores