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I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
The difference between beer and your opinion is that I asked for a beer.
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
Dear Lord, Thanks for making me funny. Especially since you didn`t give me much else to work with.
My Son: The marriage vows say "tell death do us part", so we are not married in heaven ? Me: That`s right son, cause if we were still married, we`d be in hell.