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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God or man has rested.
If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
What I learned in college 1.Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka. 2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
I`m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
Why don`t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
Think we could get the North Korean hackers to end "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"?
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.