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Time heals all wounds...unless it`s infected or gangrene or something then time makes it worse.
Definition: Brain - Your body`s hardest working organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth until you...fall in love.
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
I wonder what my dog has named me?
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
Call me a hoarder if you want but don`t come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.
If you love someone, let them go, if they don`t come back..... Set them on fire *evil grin*
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"