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Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
Never take advice from me, you`ll only end up drunk......
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
I wasn`t that drunk! "Bro, you went to the train station, smashed yourself against the wall, while yelling, Hogwarts here I come!"
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
I successfully cleared a path from the front door to the TV. Now I can watch Hoarders.
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
I was named after my father. I don`t really like the name "Dad" though.