Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God or man has rested.
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
Real friends show me their boobs
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow.
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.
Anyone know how much snow is too much snow not to go to the liquor store?
Breaking News: Viagra shippment stolen... Cops are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.