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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
Apparently, I did not use enough a$$hole repellent today
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn`t walk to the donut shop.
My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.
Breaking News: Viagra shippment stolen... Cops are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.