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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
Happy people don`t take long showers.
I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time :(
*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.