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I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
Health tip: There`s never a `safe` time to shake a teenage boy`s hand. Never.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
OK. If you`re so smart, what`s the answer to this question?
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells "CODE RED, CODE RED" really loud then people scurry like mad.
I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic
The restraining order doesn`t mean we can`t hangout. It just says I can`t get within 50 ft of you. So you wanna play catch or frisbee or something?