Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
People of planet Earth, thank your gods that I`m not in charge of the red button.
Those friends who like and at the same time unlike my statuses please you`re increasing my blood pressure!
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
That awkward moment when a homeless person walks up to you at a Coinstar machine.
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
Word for today: Dipshidiot
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
So you have 820 friends on Facebook and yet no one was around to take your picture when you decided to use the mirror for a good shot?