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It`s Thanksgiving. Don`t forget to set your scale back 25 lbs
Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
My pessimism has never failed me, but I`m sure someday it will.
Diet plan: make friends fatter
I can already tell this is going to be one of those days where I am not rich and famous.
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.