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I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a brighter day.
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
life is too short to match socks
What if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside
My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me.
Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson