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Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
Farting isn`t ladylike? Well, neither is giving a blowjob, but I have never heard you complaining about that!
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
According to Pinterest, I`m severely under-utilizing mason jars.
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
I just "borrowed" my neighbors nissan frontier, they make that trick look easier on the commercial
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.