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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
Just saw Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter... So that`s how it happened! I knew what I learned in history class was a bunch of crap!
One day I`ll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
Friends don’t let friends twerk.
I saw Tom Hanks and asked for his autograph. He abbreviated it, and it just said "Thanks"
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.