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They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
The best way to scare a man is to use the urinal stall next to him. This works exceptionally well if you are a woman.
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he`s going to the clinic for a `work related` injury.
I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
it`s friday o clock
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.