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I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
No great story started with someone drinking water.
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
I understand vampires being invisible in mirrors, but what the hell happens to their clothes?
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don`t want people to recognize me when I`m pooping.