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Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
Went to the bookstore to pick up a "Where`s Waldo" book today, but couldn`t find any. Well played Waldo, well played...
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
Facebook needs a "settle down" button.. You tap on a friend`s profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately..
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
It is a sad day when you go to all the trouble of getting a Frontal Lobotomy and no one notices.....................
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/