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It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
One of my female friend is reading a book called "Learn to drive in a week" for the last 3 years.
What supermarket did the pilgrims visit to purchase their canned gelatin cranberry sauce? I want my Thanksgiving to be authentic.
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
“I need to stop,” I whispered as I clicked next episode.
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.