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Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
Grocery stores could save me a lot of time and effort by adding an “All the stuff you can microwave” aisle.
They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
Happy Monday!! I`m gonna sit this one out.
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn`t.
Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.
I don`t fear death... It happens to everyone. I just hope when I am dead and buried, I don`t vote Democrat.