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I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.
I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
I start to feel really anxious when my work piles up. I never know what to ignore first.
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
I`m old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
Life is hard ... It`s harder if you`re stupid.
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.