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great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
I`m not a Dr. or a Nutritionist, but I`m pretty sure the worst thing you can put into any high fat/ high calorie dish is your fork.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
I chose the wrong fork in the road, took the road less travelled and got off the beaten path and now I don`t know where the hell I am.
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
I once ran a Half Marathon. Well, I say that because it sounds better than saying I collapsed and almost died halfway through a Full Marathon.
When people ask for my advice, I advise them not to take my advice. That really screws them up.
One day I`ll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
Printing an expiration date on a bag of Cheetos is just a waste of ink.
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.