Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
No matter how loud you crank the bass, it`s still a minivan.
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
ROFL!!….. LOL jk i’m still in my chair.
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
So if your invited to someone`s 4th marriage is it wrong to give them a gift certificate to a good divorce attorney?
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
HR and I apparently disagree on what "debriefed" means.
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…