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Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
Snoring is just God`s way of ensuring women hate their husbands while they sleep too.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
Don`t forget to get offended today by some retarded sh!t that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever.
My favorite iOS7 feature is how it distracts me from the fact that I`m wasting my life poking a glass screen.
I don`t know if I should tip the bathroom attendant, or charge for letting him watch...
Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I`m sobering up.
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
People at work tell me I have a lot of patience. Fact is… there are just way too many witnesses around
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.