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Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
No, I didn`t say I was a taxidermist. I said, I can stuff your beaver.
If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, the only thing that can cheer you up is bringing somebody else down with you.
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
Scientists say the Universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons... They forgot to add Morons.
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
U make me wish I had more middle fingers
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....