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7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
I like how Sesame Street just casually has a vampire hanging around.
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously it`s a girl because it won`t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
Not to brag, but my bathroom floor is so clean I can sleep on it. Apparently.
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
You think having periods is hard? ... Try being on a 24 hour killstreak on Call of Duty with itchy balls.
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden